This is my last post in this blog.
Yep, my last post.
The entire idea of my blog was to process some struggles and to share the solutions with others who may have the same struggles. We are all people and we all have challenges; no one's challenge is better or worse than anyone else's. We all have a universal struggle to get through life and have some fun along the way.
The last two years have been incredible. I have gone through a huge transition. Without spelling out each and every critical event leading up to this point, the most important thing is, is that I genuinely like myself.
For someone who has always suffered (and still does, to some extent and in some specific areas, but that is human nature) from self-esteem issues, to become in tune with my own wants and needs, respecting my feelings and standing up for myself, I have finally gained the confidence I need to enjoy my life thoroughly.
This blog has served its purpose. I won't delete it; I might have to review it in the future. But at this point, I'm ready to move forward and simply enjoy all the simple things.
Please stay tuned for a new blog; I love writing - it's a great hobby to have. And if I know your address, you'll probably get a card or two (or ten) in the mail as hand writing letters has also become a great hobby.
I hope you have benefited from this blog as it was intended. I wish you all the very best with your lives; they are all beautiful and unique.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Spring Hath Sprung!
This has been a spring of awakening!
It's been awhile since I've written because I've been busy wrapping up the semester (and my degree!) and I was unfortunately hit with a very icky bout of bronchitis. But now I feel like the pieces of me are being put back together.
The warmer weather has encouraged my daughter and I to head out each evening and walk. We've chosen a trail along a river and it's 45 minutes of chatting, observing, inhaling (I love the smell!), and giggling. There is a rule that I am not allowed to bring my cell phone along; I am perfectly okay with this. We have been watching a little swampy spot, waiting for the frogs to come out...and there is a shoe tree that we always look for. It's a simple activity that relaxes us every time we go out there. I love it. So does she.
This past winter, I really "hermatized" myself. I was so depressed and stressed out over my academics and changes going on in my life that it had gotten to the point where I really only wanted to be around a few people. I didn't want to puke my depression out over everyone. I knew things had to change and that I was the one responsible for it. I reinvigorated my meditation practices and started working out again. And then, fortunately, something clicked in my head and all the happiness and joy that my depression had been holding back like a dam came spilling forward, filling me up with optimism. But what it filled me up with the most was confidence.
I went out a few weeks ago, shortly after the dam breaking, and enjoyed the company of those who I hadn't seen in ages. I missed them! I have thusly been enjoying the friends whom I had stayed away from.
I think that's important though. I spent time, isolating myself, because I was tired of myself. And I knew that anyone who I let in was going to get an earful about whatever was hurting me. And I know that people experience stress when you linger on a negative emotion. There were a few people who I wanted to stay in touch with and I am incredibly grateful that they stuck around, even though there were so many conversations where all I could do was focus on my anger and misery. I'm sure I was trying and difficult. There was one particular moment when I realized that I was the only one hanging on to that misery and that it was my responsibility to get it together.
And I did. I did it all over my mala beads...I meditated and wrote and blossomed.
It was good to check out for awhile...it was good to focus on my own needs for a bit...and when you do that, you can come back stronger and better...a whole person rather than fragments. And you can rejoin friends and make new ones...fill your life up with positive things and become happy in a very simple way.
Be happy - happy spring!
It's been awhile since I've written because I've been busy wrapping up the semester (and my degree!) and I was unfortunately hit with a very icky bout of bronchitis. But now I feel like the pieces of me are being put back together.
The warmer weather has encouraged my daughter and I to head out each evening and walk. We've chosen a trail along a river and it's 45 minutes of chatting, observing, inhaling (I love the smell!), and giggling. There is a rule that I am not allowed to bring my cell phone along; I am perfectly okay with this. We have been watching a little swampy spot, waiting for the frogs to come out...and there is a shoe tree that we always look for. It's a simple activity that relaxes us every time we go out there. I love it. So does she.
This past winter, I really "hermatized" myself. I was so depressed and stressed out over my academics and changes going on in my life that it had gotten to the point where I really only wanted to be around a few people. I didn't want to puke my depression out over everyone. I knew things had to change and that I was the one responsible for it. I reinvigorated my meditation practices and started working out again. And then, fortunately, something clicked in my head and all the happiness and joy that my depression had been holding back like a dam came spilling forward, filling me up with optimism. But what it filled me up with the most was confidence.
I went out a few weeks ago, shortly after the dam breaking, and enjoyed the company of those who I hadn't seen in ages. I missed them! I have thusly been enjoying the friends whom I had stayed away from.
I think that's important though. I spent time, isolating myself, because I was tired of myself. And I knew that anyone who I let in was going to get an earful about whatever was hurting me. And I know that people experience stress when you linger on a negative emotion. There were a few people who I wanted to stay in touch with and I am incredibly grateful that they stuck around, even though there were so many conversations where all I could do was focus on my anger and misery. I'm sure I was trying and difficult. There was one particular moment when I realized that I was the only one hanging on to that misery and that it was my responsibility to get it together.
And I did. I did it all over my mala beads...I meditated and wrote and blossomed.
It was good to check out for awhile...it was good to focus on my own needs for a bit...and when you do that, you can come back stronger and better...a whole person rather than fragments. And you can rejoin friends and make new ones...fill your life up with positive things and become happy in a very simple way.
Be happy - happy spring!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Value of Yourself
If you know me personally, you'll know that I have been working hard over the last two years to earn another degree; this time in paralegal studies. Things are winding down, wrapping up, and I am looking forward to the next chapter in my life.
I have started to have free time. Legitimate free time. I have been able to call on friends to make plans and I've had time to go out and about. It's amazing as I have been so swamped with things and when I'm not swamped I'm exhausted and so I haven't really gone out much. At all. In fact, I think that my personal isolation has caused some damage to some connections but I have learned to appreciate those who have hung in there for me.
So as this new chapter begins, I realize there are choices to be made. Not bad or good, just choices. In particular, I have thought about making positive choices for myself instead of clinging to bad choices from my past. You see, I woke up one day (metaphor) and felt like I deserved the wealth of good choices. In essence, my confidence had blossomed.
Taking the reigns of your own life and realizing that you're worth all the goodness and beauty that exists is something that I (as well as others who struggle with self-esteem issues) was startled to have found. In fact, it came as such a shock that it has thrown me off balance. And I mean this only in a good way.
So as I wind down the intensity of my education and move forward into the next phase, I have made the decision to leave behind all the mistakes, taking only the lessons as I am a good enough person to not have to carry the weight of the past. And in moving forward, I realize that I am entitled to the profits of good choices; it's amazing how when we do not have self-confidence, we can make bad choices and we do not believe we are able to access what is good in life. But in realizing self-worth, we start to value ourselves. It's such a wonderful thing, honestly.
Last night, my daughter and I were bored. We had completed our homework, we had cleaned up the kitchen and whatnot and we were just not interested in anything around the house. It dawned on me that this is some of the free time I am starting to have and this is an opportunity to make a memory and enjoy life. So we hopped in the car and drove down to a particular path along the river and spent nearly an hour just exploring, walking, giggling, joking, and enjoying the sweet smell in the air and the freedom of a beautiful Monday night.
Such a good life; it's such a good life!
I have started to have free time. Legitimate free time. I have been able to call on friends to make plans and I've had time to go out and about. It's amazing as I have been so swamped with things and when I'm not swamped I'm exhausted and so I haven't really gone out much. At all. In fact, I think that my personal isolation has caused some damage to some connections but I have learned to appreciate those who have hung in there for me.
So as this new chapter begins, I realize there are choices to be made. Not bad or good, just choices. In particular, I have thought about making positive choices for myself instead of clinging to bad choices from my past. You see, I woke up one day (metaphor) and felt like I deserved the wealth of good choices. In essence, my confidence had blossomed.
Taking the reigns of your own life and realizing that you're worth all the goodness and beauty that exists is something that I (as well as others who struggle with self-esteem issues) was startled to have found. In fact, it came as such a shock that it has thrown me off balance. And I mean this only in a good way.
So as I wind down the intensity of my education and move forward into the next phase, I have made the decision to leave behind all the mistakes, taking only the lessons as I am a good enough person to not have to carry the weight of the past. And in moving forward, I realize that I am entitled to the profits of good choices; it's amazing how when we do not have self-confidence, we can make bad choices and we do not believe we are able to access what is good in life. But in realizing self-worth, we start to value ourselves. It's such a wonderful thing, honestly.
Last night, my daughter and I were bored. We had completed our homework, we had cleaned up the kitchen and whatnot and we were just not interested in anything around the house. It dawned on me that this is some of the free time I am starting to have and this is an opportunity to make a memory and enjoy life. So we hopped in the car and drove down to a particular path along the river and spent nearly an hour just exploring, walking, giggling, joking, and enjoying the sweet smell in the air and the freedom of a beautiful Monday night.
Such a good life; it's such a good life!
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