This has been a spring of awakening!
It's been awhile since I've written because I've been busy wrapping up the semester (and my degree!) and I was unfortunately hit with a very icky bout of bronchitis. But now I feel like the pieces of me are being put back together.
The warmer weather has encouraged my daughter and I to head out each evening and walk. We've chosen a trail along a river and it's 45 minutes of chatting, observing, inhaling (I love the smell!), and giggling. There is a rule that I am not allowed to bring my cell phone along; I am perfectly okay with this. We have been watching a little swampy spot, waiting for the frogs to come out...and there is a shoe tree that we always look for. It's a simple activity that relaxes us every time we go out there. I love it. So does she.
This past winter, I really "hermatized" myself. I was so depressed and stressed out over my academics and changes going on in my life that it had gotten to the point where I really only wanted to be around a few people. I didn't want to puke my depression out over everyone. I knew things had to change and that I was the one responsible for it. I reinvigorated my meditation practices and started working out again. And then, fortunately, something clicked in my head and all the happiness and joy that my depression had been holding back like a dam came spilling forward, filling me up with optimism. But what it filled me up with the most was confidence.
I went out a few weeks ago, shortly after the dam breaking, and enjoyed the company of those who I hadn't seen in ages. I missed them! I have thusly been enjoying the friends whom I had stayed away from.
I think that's important though. I spent time, isolating myself, because I was tired of myself. And I knew that anyone who I let in was going to get an earful about whatever was hurting me. And I know that people experience stress when you linger on a negative emotion. There were a few people who I wanted to stay in touch with and I am incredibly grateful that they stuck around, even though there were so many conversations where all I could do was focus on my anger and misery. I'm sure I was trying and difficult. There was one particular moment when I realized that I was the only one hanging on to that misery and that it was my responsibility to get it together.
And I did. I did it all over my mala beads...I meditated and wrote and blossomed.
It was good to check out for awhile...it was good to focus on my own needs for a bit...and when you do that, you can come back stronger and better...a whole person rather than fragments. And you can rejoin friends and make new ones...fill your life up with positive things and become happy in a very simple way.
Be happy - happy spring!
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