You know what? I love this weird brand of hip-hop/surf/reggae music, namely The Dirty Heads. And thanks to Pandora, I'm discovering all these new bands...like "Slightly Stoopid." It just makes me want to move my body.
Speaking of moving the body, I'm entering into week four of a rigorous and continuous workout and I cannot express to you how fantastic I feel. I haven't seen major changes in my actual physical appearance, but the mental improvement is worth the sweat and cramps and occasional pain (that's what ice is for, right?).
The item on my mind recently has been jealousy. All self-improvement items aside, I will be the first to admit that I am a jealous person. It's part of that whole being-insecure thing. However, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on this particular downfall of mine and have come to realize a few things.
Jealousy is one of the most destructive emotions that can occur within a relationship. Jealousy is also one of the most unfounded emotions that we possess as humans. Taken apart, jealousy breaks down into a couple of subtopics:
-Self-Esteem - this seems to be the root of all negativity. Anger, frustration, and jealousy.
-Fear - fear of the unknown.
Self-esteem is a constant struggle for me. However, now that I've been working on only accepting my own approval and not the approval of others, my self-esteem has soared. Like I've been saying for awhile, you are the only person you are with for your entire life and if you're not happy with what you've got, change it. Most of us tend to steer clear of really crappy people but it's our own crappiness that we have to worry about. It's simple, but difficult. But every little push - the self-affirmations, the workouts, the self-awknowledgement of accomplishments - gets you over that hill and onto greener pastures.
Fear is also based off of low self-esteem (in my opinion). Low self-esteem breeds a lack of confidence. If you have a lack of confidence, you probably fear failing in some fashion or another.
Fear in terms of jealousy isn't necessarily about failing, but rather, the fear of the unknown. There are occasions when jealousy comes merely from the IDEA of what COULD happen, especially with lovers. "He's spending time with her - he probably likes her more than me - he's going to break up with me for her - she's going to get him, not me - I'm a failure." When you really pull that apart, what is really going on?
1) He's spending time with her - yeah, he probably enjoys her company. She has something to offer him. What it is exactly - doesn't matter.
2) He probably likes her more than me - what are the grounds for this? Do you think she's more attractive than you? Smarter maybe? What exactly? And what IS the consequence for him liking her more than you? Will you die? Will you incur and illness? Probably not.
3) She's going to get him, not me - She could. And then what? You move on. You'll eventually find a new partner that thinks more of you than he ever did. And then you look back and think, "what the hell was I thinking? I settled for that?"
4) I'm a failure - why? What makes you a failure? Because two people engage in a stimulating situation of some kind or another? That doesn't make YOU a failure - it just makes you different. You have to value your own hobbies, priorities, etc, especially when they don't necessarily vibe with your partners. You cannot de-value then to try to maintain some sort of false sense of control. All you end up doing is losing control and making yourself miserable.
I get jealous, sure. I'm sure that I have made others jealous. Such is life. But it's healthy to step back and take it apart, just like I said, and that helps dissipate the frustration that jealousy breeds.
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