Friends!

Since I have been going through an interesting transitional period in my life, encompassing many sects of my life, I get into modes where I am examining these various aspects.  This includes (but is not limited to, as I am still opening my eyes to the many parts of me that I don't know yet or am just getting to know in a new, fresh way) my work life, my family life, and namely, for the sake of this blog, the area of my life which includes my friendships.

I have learned to approach people in an entirely new way.  Prior to the change I was fearful of people, willing to not make contact with a potentially new person because I assumed that I would not live up to some sort of expectation that they had of me.  I have learned and I am beginning to acknowledge that those "expectations" are my own expectations that I am failing of myself - because they are unreasonable expectations.  So, two things - I assume that people have those same high expectations of me, the unreasonable, unmanageable expectations that only lead to disappointment OR I create expectations for other people that are unreasonable and unmanageable...which, in total, leads to my own sabotage of friendships. 

I had many opportunities to make new friends this weekend and I DID.  I stepped out of my usual "they won't like me because of a) b) or c) and instead, I approached people with an open mind that was willing to listen and learn about these new people.  And having the confidence to step out of my usual pattern allowed me to meet and make some new friends.  I know that to most people this will seem silly, but to me, being a person trapped in my own personal hell, I find this liberating.

I have to continue this post by including a little known fact - despite attempts to be friends with people, you do not have to be friends with everyone.  There is a societal expectation to go beyond acquaintances and courtesies and become good friends with everyone you interact with.  (Is there?  Or maybe it's my imagination).  However, once you drop the unreasonable and unmanageable self-expectation of having to be friends with everyone and instead redirect that energy, you can improve upon the friendships you want to pursue.  This is not to say that you need to run around hating people or even being mean; you have manners - use them!  But if someone rubs you the wrong way, you can let that connection go and focus on the folks you do have love for.  And realizing THAT is also very liberating! 

It's been wonderful to take the time to process who I enjoy having in my life, wondering about the possibilities of new people in my life and being perfectly content to let those go whom don't quite flow with my life.  It changes the quality and the depth of friendships in a whole wonderful new way.