Compassion

I have been learning recently, about the idea of compassion.  All of my preconceived notions have been flying out the door.  In a sense, I thought that compassion meant to "feel sorry for someone."  I'm starting to understand that this is not the case.

On Friday evening I met with an important person in the area who leads the Buddhist community.  I learned much from him but what I learned the most is that I have already learned a lot, on my own.  I seem to have picked up the beginning bits and pieces of theories and thought processes that can help me redirect negativity.

The lesson I walked away from though, the most, is the idea of showing compassion to yourself.  How does one do that?  Well, I'm certainly no expert but showing compassion for myself combined with acknowledging my emotions and realizing they are valid, has helped tremendously. 

The whole idea is to pay attention to how you are feeling, exactly when you are feeling it.  In today's society, we are taught to ignore our feelings, to "get over it", etc.  This is unhelpful when trying to move forward in life.  Instead, I have learned, it is important to realize that we feel the way we feel.  And upon acknowledging our feelings, we cannot expect anyone to give us insight to our own thoughts except ourselves. 

I was very disappointed last night regarding a situation.  In the past, I would have let my emotions get out of control and I would have let irrationality take control.  Instead, I talked to myself (yes, we all talk to ourselves from time to time and I find that through my emotional journey that actually speaking out loud to myself is very helpful.  Don't worry, I don't do this in public.  I will, however, sing in my car with no reservations).  I told myself that I was feeling sad and lonely.  I let myself BE sad and lonely.  I didn't try to diffuse being sad and lonely by turning on the TV or finding someone to talk to or whatever.  I accepted these painful emotions and let them flow over me.  Later in the evening, I had been asked by someone if I was upset.  I told the truth -- that I was feeling sad and lonely.  But what's important to note is that I did not make it this person's issue.  I said that they were my feelings to deal with, but that was how I was feeling. 

I slept hard last night and I woke up feeling better.  It helps that the sun is out.  But what's more important is realizing that my sadness and loneliness doesn't have to control my goings-on for today.  That was yesterday's bath of emotions.  Now I have today.  And I will accept when I am happy, exactly in the moment which I am happy.  I will accept if I become sad, exactly in the moment that I am sad. 

The beginning of true self-compassion lies in the ability to accept your emotions and validate them.  We suffer because we are human and we feel things.  It is insanity to try to make our feelings go away, no matter how much they may hurt from time to time.  We must also find joy in our good times as well and embrace the happiness we feel.  But being human, we are in a constant state of flux and there is no way, emotionally, that we will always be.  Be compassionate towards yourself and understand the ebb and flow and accept all of it -- the good and the bad.  Remember, even in the darkest bad moments, the light we see is knowing that badness isn't stagnant -- it'll pass, as these things always tend to pass.  Breathe.