Autumn and Change

While we're still technically in summer, the weather makes it feel like autumn.  And really, here in Western, slightly north-Western, Wisconsin, we really exist primarily in the winter.  So the summers are short and fall comes quickly.  This is something I truly do not mind; I love fall - it's my favorite season.

I haven't written much lately because well, there has been a lot of change in my life.  Some of it interesting, some bad...but mostly good.  I personally feel as though a veil of fog has been lifting from my eyes and the true colors of people are coming forth.  Both good and bad.

A lot of people are terrified of change...or at the least, very hesitant.  I don't think it's fair to make blanket statements about whether or not I fear change; it definitely depends on the situation.  But this change that is occurring, unintentionally, is the type of change that I can fearlessly embrace. 

I suppose you're wondering "what the hell is she talking about?"  It's an internal change.  There is an acknowledgment of my self-worth that I don't know if I have ever experienced before.  I don't know where this is coming from, but it's good.  I contemplate the why of it and I think it's multiple reasons:
-I love my job.  I don't know if I can say this about jobs I've had in the past, but I love my job.  While I have never been fired, I get bored easily at jobs and often quit before I hit the six month mark.  I'm approaching 1 year at my current job and I am still not bored.  This is an excellent turn of events.  I should also note that some projects I've had at work have lead to some serious confidence-boosting situations; I am able to take great pride in what I do and I have had other people recognize my success!  Great combination!
-I have stopped worrying so much about how others perceive me.  I have begun to take more pride on my personal style and I have quit presenting myself in terms of how I should be according to other people
-Speaking of other people, I have begun to develop the ability to recognize a person's opinion about something I'm doing with my life, consider it, and either dismiss it or accept it, depending on the situation.  This is important because normally I am a people pleaser, even if it hurts me.  But, as vain as it may sound, I'm worried about making 1) myself happy and 2) my daughter happy.  Beyond that, the idea of making other people happy is an impossible task.  You can never ever make everyone happy all the time and it's exhausting to even try.  So the ability to remove myself from this self-imposed responsibility is a major accomplishment.
-This summer I found out that I made the honor roll at my school.  I didn't try that hard - and now I'm able to accept that indeed, I do have a brain in that box attached to my neck.

There are many other little things that have happened this summer, but what it boils down to is the fact that I have been working on my confidence and finally, finally(!) I see myself as what I am - a smart, capable, independent, witty, beautiful woman.  I didn't get to this point because other people built me, but because I built myself.  I only hope that other people I love can see the beauty within themselves and begin their own personal growth...to begin to blossom on their own terms. 

I need to write here more.  I shall do this.  Especially now that the whole lawn-mowing thing isn't so prevalent.