Practice

I'm about to state the obvious, but I think it's important. At least, it's important to me.

I feel as though I have filled up my emotional tool box and I have everything I (think I) need to really move forward in life. In fact, I haven't felt this good in a long time, if ever. I finally feel as though I'm living my life by my terms and enjoying it.

What I think is important, however, is to take a mindful approach to problems and to practice holding back your emotional output. I think that this is a personality thing; some people don't get ruffled - I do. This is an area I have to practice. While I know that no one purposely tries to upset me, I still get upset! I don't like feeling upset, but it happens. The mindful approach is to breathe deeply and realize that the anger (or whatever emotion I'm feeling) doesn't come from them, but it comes from how I allow myself to react.

I'm far from perfect. No one is perfect, duh. But simply being aware of this helps me keep things in perspective. I had some unfortunate encounters last week and I am not proud of how I reacted.

How I reacted was part of this insane thought that I would get something from someone. I won't - people cannot perform the way we want them to. In hindsight, if I had thought of that, then I wouldn't have gotten so upset. I'm not going to beat myself up over this incident, but the hindsight is important -- knowing that my desire to "get something" from this person was flawed in so many ways and knowing that I need to absorb the emotional reaction before actually reacting...helps. I feel empowered for when this encounter happens again (because it will).

Taking the time to understand all this emotional stuff has been so helpful. I feel as though patience is growing within me...that the care and concern and awareness I have towards my own emotional well-being is developing...and I feel as though the relationships I have with people, however few, are becoming stronger and more intimate. I like all of these things.

It is good to reflect on this stuff...but it's even more important to take a practice approach. How can one talk about all this and not practice it? Time to put my stuff into practice....