Let People Change

I most likely have blogged about this particular topic before, but I think it's important to keep it in mind. I have had a few recent occurrences which make it important to realize that regardless of past circumstances, people can and do change, if they so desire.

We all have things in our past that we are not proud of. Fortunately, we are unable to jump in a time machine and go back to make changes - we'd live in the past forever! No, instead, we have to try to move on from those sometimes painful memories.

It's important to have faith - have faith that we can change, if we really want to. It's important to have faith in others that they can also change. It's important to want to let people change. If you don't believe a person has changed, have you forgiven them? Can you forgive them? Does forgiveness equal giving a person the room, in your mind, to change? Or will they stay the same, even if you have forgiven them? I do not personally believe you can forgive someone without giving them the room to change behavior.

I have been on both sides of this coin; I have been unable to believe that a person can change and I have also been accused that I will never change. (It's kind of nice to prove people wrong sometimes!). I realize how my inability to see that people can change is very limiting.

It boils down to a very simple idea: when you are asked for forgiveness, give the forgiveness, embrace the goodness, and let go of their fouls. What are you if you only focus on the bad that a person has done in the past? What good will that do?

Granted, some people have hurt us so badly to the point where maybe we don't want to have them in our lives. I think that's perfectly okay. Sometimes only time and proof of change will make us believe; but when time has passed and the change is real, let yourself believe it. Is it possible? Absolutely.

If the harm that was caused upon you was so bad, then perhaps it is fine for you to let that person out of your life. That is also okay; there are no rules anywhere saying you have to be friends with everyone. You are your number one and no matter what you've got going on in your life, job, kids, home, husband, whatever...you are the most important person in your life and you have got to take care of yourself before you begin to take care of others. If a person stresses you out and causes anxiety, then perhaps it is best to let that relationship go. Make sure it's not personal, though - understand fully why you are letting this person go and forgive them in letting them go. Associating anger and hurt with that person will make that pain linger for a long, long time, regardless of whether or not they are in your life.

It would be nice if everyone always learned their lesson, but they don't always learn it right away or in a way that we feel is appropriate. Give forgiveness...give people the ability to change and leave room in your head and heart so that they may change in your eyes.