Enemies!

The other day, while on a walk, I saw my enemy.  My throat began to burn a little bit, my stomach did some flips, and I felt anger well up inside me.  This isn't much different than when I have a crush on someone.

Anyway, as I walked away, without incident (not that I thought there would be an incident), I felt slightly enlightened.  I recently read an article our reactions to people and situations.  Of course I had always been aware of the simple fact that we are, indeed, in charge of our emotions and that how feel feel towards people is of our own doing.

I wondered for a moment if she had felt the same way about me - the slight anxiety about the possible confrontation with each other.  Since there was zero confrontation, I'm assuming that she either wanted to avoid me as much as I wanted to avoid her or perhaps we're on different pages of thinking when it comes to "enemies."

And that brings up the whole idea behind this post.  It could very well be that this is a one-sided enemy situation.  I could be the one who just thinks of her as an enemy and perhaps she doesn't think of me as an enemy.  If she doesn't think of me as an enemy, then is she an enemy at all?  Am I just hanging on to these negative emotions based on passed events - really - for no reason?

Those are the core thoughts.  If the cause of the problem is far in the past, then why do I hang on to it?  This is entirely within my control, after all.  Grudges, jealousy, anger, hurt - as well as happiness, satisfaction, delight, humor - are all emotions that we are entirely in control of.  Well, we can be once we learn how to take control of them.  I'm not the first, nor will I be the last, to point out that you yourself is entirely in control of your emotions.  But then, that's easier said than done.

When there is insecurity, there is a distinct possibility that our emotions rule us.  Especially if you're like me, someone who is constantly looking for validation from outside sources rather than myself.  (I'm working on that).  When you feel things such as jealousy and anger, those emotions stem from feelings of fear and insecurity.  But what is there really to feel insecure about?

In a very simplistic way of looking at things, after walking away from her, I realized that she's my enemy, but that's because I'm keeping her my enemy.  It doesn't mean I have to be her best friend, but it certainly doesn't mean that I have to feel uncomfortable and irritated when I see her.  Those feelings are entirely derived on memories of feeling shafted in the past - which may or may not have been the case - but I'm entirely responsible for hanging on to that negativity and letting it control the situation when I see her.

Fortunately, while nothing is an overnight fix, realizing this and spending time reflecting on it, is helping me to let it go.  I don't want enemies at all.  I don't want to feel uncomfortable in the presence of anyone.  I don't want to go through the motions of avoiding someone.  And so....I won't!